we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
