i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
