OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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