Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
