when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
