the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
