I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
