Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
