so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Less talking, more tequila
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
