lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
