chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
