Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
