Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize