Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
