the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
