Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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