i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize