The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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