oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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