think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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