And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
