Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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