Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
