yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize