That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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