You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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