gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
