i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
