PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
