I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
