I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
