Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
