he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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