I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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