i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
