i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize