We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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