I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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