I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
