I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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