"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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