Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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