"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
someone owes me an orgasm
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
