I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize