I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
