so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
