on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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