Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
