dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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