Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
