oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
