I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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