I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
