Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
