these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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