Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
