Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
