you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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