This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
