he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize