I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize