She said her name was "party"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
