He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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