her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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