i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
