I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
