I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
